Information for families in Bournemouth, Christchurch and Poole

Support for parents in a relationship

The way we respond during an argument can impact whether they are resolved. Our response

The way we respond during an argument can impact whether they are resolved. Our responses can be through our words or actions. What do you do in an argument?

 

 

Handle your arguments better

When you're stressed or angry it's harder to stay calm and in control, but, learning to recognise your own behaviour can help you to stop future arguments from getting out of hand.

Which of these do you do:

  • bottle things up and then have a rant?
  • get overwhelmed by your feelings?
  • sulk or give the silent treatment?

Think about a recent argument you had with your partner and think about these questions:

  • what did you do?
  • how do you think that made your partner feel?
  • what did your partner do in response?
  • how did that make you feel?
  • if you have children, how do you think it made them feel?

Learning to recognise your own behaviour can help you stop future arguments from getting out of hand.

Harmful arguments and the effect on our relationships

When we regularly use harmful ways to communicate, it can start to affect our relationship. To protect our relationships it's important to recognise when we're using harmful communication so we can find a different approach.

 

harmful-arguments
Better communication for parents

Criticism in communication

What poor communication looks like:
Criticism is not the same as complaining. It's a direct attack on your partner.
'You only think about yourself'.

How you can protect against it:
Try starting a sentence with 'I...' and asking for what you need.
'I was worried last night. I'd like it if you could text me when you're going to be late.'

Contempt in communication

What poor communication looks like:
Contempt is when we're deliberately being mean. We might use name-calling, sarcasm or roll our eyes to show we're not interested.

How you can protect against it:
Try to focus on what you love about each other. Look for opportunities to pay each other compliments and do things together that you both enjoy.

Defensiveness in communication

What poor communication looks like:
Defensiveness is usually a response to criticism. We deflect blame onto the other person. 'I've been busy. Why couldn't you do it?'

How you can protect against it:
Try to see things from each other's point of view. Take responsibility and say sorry when you're in the wrong.

Stonewalling in communication

What poor communication looks like:
Stonewalling is when we get so overwhelmed that we shut down completely, blanking our partner or walking out of the room.

How you can protect against it:
Try to be good to yourself. Take some time out to do something relaxing and enjoyable.

Additional support

Find advice on parenting together with click relationships.

Between us is an app designed to help you have a better relationship with your partner now or in the future.

Relate offers support with arguing and conflict and communicating in relationships.

getting-on-better-2021