If your child or young person has a learning difficulty or disability, the first thing to remember is that you're not alone. Speaking with, or reading about other parents experiences whose children have special education needs and disabilities (SEND) can help you and your child understand what’s going on.
The parent carer forum for Bournemouth, Christchurch and Poole Parent Carers Together can provide support.
SENDiass4BCP can also provide information, advice and support.
If you're in the Services the Children’s Education Advisory Service (CEAS) can also help.
If your child is aged 1-3 and has significant developmental delay and complex SEND needs you may also be able to get support through the Portage Home Visiting Service.
There are many support groups for parents and carers of children and young people with a range of special educational needs and disabilities. Some have coffee mornings and play groups where you can meet other families in a similar situation to you.
Further national and local support organisations are listed in the sections below.
Support for your child or young person's education
As well as social and emotional support, your child or young person will get help at the education setting they attend whether this be a preschool, school or college. You should liaise with your child or young person’s Special Educational Needs Co-ordinator (SENCO) or teacher.
Staff will provide the right level of support to meet their special educational needs and will regularly check how well this support is working and let you know if things need to change.
Support can be delivered in many different ways, from special equipment to extra help from a teaching assistant.
BCP Council has 'Graduated Response and Toolkits' – a document which sets out how pre-schools, schools and colleges can provide the right level of support to meet your child's special educational needs. Further details can be found on the 'I am worried about my child's learning and development' page
Further information on support available for children and young people with SEND can be found here:
Information on support for children under 5
Information on support for school age children and young people
Information on support for young people aged 16 plus in education
What is a learning difficulty or disability?
A learning difficulty or disability is not an illness or a disease. It is a reduced intellectual ability, which makes everyday activities, like getting dressed, communicating or personal care, difficult.
A learning disability affects someone for their whole life and people with a learning disability tend to take longer to learn and may need support to develop new skills, understand complex information and interact with other people. The level of support someone needs depends on individual factors, including the severity of their learning disability.
The term ‘learning disability’ describes significant delays in a child or young person’s development.
In a child’s early years, it’s unusual for practitioners to use the term ‘learning disability’ and you are more likely to hear terms like ‘delay’, ‘developmental delay’ or ‘special needs’.
The term ‘developmental delay’ is sometimes used to describe a child's condition if they are not progressing as expected. By itself, developmental delay is not a diagnosis The main issues when assessing a child for learning disability are:
- By how much is the child delayed, and in which areas?
- Are there areas in which the child is not delayed?
- What explanation for any delay might lie in the child's background (such as a long stay in hospital for an unrelated condition)?
- What underlying medical condition might explain the delay?
- Is the delay likely to be the product of a low level of care and inadequate stimulation in the home?
Delay is not always significant. For example, some children are slow to walk, so may appear to be delayed. But if one of the parents was very slow to walk, then it's possible the delay may just run in the family.
You may hear the term ‘learning difficulty’, particularly as your child starts school. Special educational needs categories use the term ‘learning difficulty’ not ‘learning disability’.
A learning disability may occur on its own or alongside sensory or physical conditions, or medical conditions like epilepsy. For some children (for example, children with Down’s syndrome), there is a genetic basis for their learning disability. However, for many children, even with a diagnosis, it is often not possible to say why they have a learning disability.
Further information on learning disabilities can be found on the NHS website.
Learning disability diagnosis
Some learning disabilities are discovered at birth, while others are not diagnosed until much later. If your child is diagnosed at or around birth - for example, with Down's syndrome - their doctors probably won't be able to tell you exactly how it will affect their development. The extent of your child's disability will become clearer as they reach the ages when they should be talking, walking or reading.
For children not diagnosed at birth, finding out they have a learning disability can take time as they can be hard to diagnose early in life as there may be few developmental signs.
Most learning disabilities are obvious by the age of five. Intellectual function [also known as cognitive ability] can only be assessed by testing children from the age of five, so most children with these disabilities are only diagnosed when they start school.
Even after a diagnosis is made, it can be hard to tell how it will affect your child in the future. However, your child's current needs can be assessed to work out what kind of support will help them, and they will be referred to a paediatrician (a specialist in child health).
If you think your child has an undiagnosed condition, speak to your GP or Health Visitor.
Further information on living with a diagnosis can be found on the NHS website.
After diagnosis
If you've had concerns about your child, you might feel relieved to have a diagnosis. Don't be afraid to ask any questions to find out as much as you can about your child's needs.
Most parents assume their children will be healthy and develop normally, so hearing that your child has a learning disability can come as a shock. It takes time to accept the diagnosis and to mourn the child you might feel you have lost.
Talking to your child's doctors, nurses, support groups or friends and family can help, although friends and family might need their own time to accept what has happened. Many parents find it helpful to contact other families who have been through the same thing, as talking to other parents can be a useful source of support. Parent Carers Together is the parent carer forum for Bournemouth, Christchurch and Poole. Parent Carer Foundation are also able to provide support.
Counselling can also help. If you feel you would benefit ask your health visitor or GP for recommendations.
Coping with challenging behaviour
People with learning disabilities can have challenging behaviour. Dealing with this can be stressful, but you don't have to tackle it alone.
All children can behave in ways that are difficult to deal with – such as having tantrums, kicking or throwing things. Children who have learning disabilities, may behave in a challenging way more frequently, or their behaviour may be more extreme. This is often because they can't express what they want or feel at the time.
Understanding why your child is behaving like this and finding out what the triggers are can help you find a way of dealing with the challenging behaviour.
If your child feels confused, it can cause challenging behaviour. Other causes that can trigger a reaction include being bullied, frightened or in pain.
Try to keep calm, and avoid showing that you are angry or upset, even though you might be feeling it.
Getting professional support can help you come up with strategies for dealing with challenging behaviour. Talk to the special educational needs co-ordinator (SENCO) at your child's preschool or school, or to your health visitor, GP or paediatrician. They can refer you to more specialist help if it's needed, such as speech and language therapists, occupational therapists or educational psychologists.
You can also talk to other parents who have gone through similar experiences. Parent Carers Together and Parent Carer Foundation are local parent/carer forums who can provide support.
The Challenging Behaviour Foundation (CBF) also offers information and support to people with severe learning disabilities and their families.
The charity Scope's online forums include expert advice on challenging behaviour.
The National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (NICE) has produced a guide on challenging behaviour and learning disabilities, including an Easy Read version.
Further information on dealing with challenging behaviour in children from the NHS.
Further information on dealing with challenging behaviour in adults from the NHS.
Local learning disability support groups and services
National learning disability support organisations